


Ash Lynx Deserves a Break

by Of_Pigeons_And_Dumbfucks



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Could be seen as a platonic relationship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Spoilers, Why Did I Write This?, ash has been through way too much shit, i pulled an all nighter, it might be the lack of sleep talking, or i think its angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Pigeons_And_Dumbfucks/pseuds/Of_Pigeons_And_Dumbfucks
Summary: Ash has a nightmare that scares the living hell out of him. Eiji is a bean and comforts him through it.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 11
Kudos: 94





	Ash Lynx Deserves a Break

**Author's Note:**

> Oke so, I didn't get any sleep in like the past two days so pardon me. I hope this was good cause i wrote it in one go while shoving oranges down my throat to stave off hunger. Have fun reading~

It’s pitch black. Where is he? He peels his eyes open but it's so dark; are they really open? He can’t see anything. Why? His hand extends out and he feels for something. There's nothing. He taps the ground, but it's not there? But he’s sitting on the ground, how's it not there? There’s no sound anywhere either. He touches his ears. He believes there isn't anything covering them. There’s nothing there right? Fuck. Why can't he can’t see? Why can’t he feel? Why can't he hear? Why?

His breath starts to quicken. Breath, Ash, breath! Not a good time to panic. Get a hold of yourself. But, where am I? Something bad is gonna happen. The bad things always happen when I'm not aware. I'm not careful enough, that's how it always goes. I don't pay attention and someone suffers because of it. It'll be my fault again.

It’s starting to get harder to breathe. The inhales are ragged and the exhales are barely there. Fuck fuck fuck, Ash! Breath! Dots start to crawl on his skin. The goosebumps come in abundance. He’s hunched over now. His hand over his mouth. Why, why, why can’t he breathe. Where is he? His brain is static, his ears are ringing. But how is it ringing if it’s silent? It sounds like an annoying alarm. It hurts. His head is being crushed. It's aching, pulsing. 

A scraping noise cuts through his headspace. He was bound for whiplash with the speed he lifted his head up. At least he thinks so. Everything is going like molasses. Or maybe his thoughts are the things made of molasses.

Oh, there’s a light. It mimics a door being opened. A shadow loomed outwards and whatever small amount of breath was going through his lungs, completely ceased. Dino walks in and a copious amount of footsteps followed behind him.

The sounds finally matched faces as a small group of people walked in. Eiji? Sudden dread hollows his stomach. His Eiji was here? How'd he get here? Why’s he here with Dino? What? His hands are shaking now. He feels numb all over. Wait. Max? Cain? Sing? Why are you guys here? Why are they surrounding him? Why are they moving so slowly? He hears the echo of every single step ricochet off the walls like a soft gunshot. There are walls? Why are there guns here? Are they fighting again? It's loud. 

His heart's pace starts to speed up. I thought they were on our side? I thought I was keeping him safe. The thoughts are starting to tornado around. Scenarios, questions, insecurities, problems. Aren’t they supposed to help us? Are they being blackmailed again? Maybe they're just breaking me out? 

The door, it was invisible--or maybe he's hallucinating--shuts. But the light remains? He's distracted with a flash of purple. Purple... hair? Shorter? He's alive. His eyes get glossy. Shorter’s supposed to be dead. How’s he alive? I made sure no one could harm him anymore. He burned. I burned him. I killed him. Fuck. I killed him. I killed my best friend. He feels dizzy, his stomach is turning, he wants to puke, he wants out. He looks in the direction of Shorter’s feet. A little kid peeks out from between the Asian's legs. Skip! Skippers here. Why? Auther’s men killed him? Right? When we were trying to save Eiji. He was shot in front of my eyes. Right? He sounds desperate at this point. What's going on?

The gunshots start to echo again. Everyone's moving and they're surrounding him. He feels like trapped prey. He’s surrounded under the smirks. Smirks that are full of lies and betrayal. He's being stalked by eyes that cause grief and trauma. He's restrained by the hands that drove him towards silent torture and anguish.

He feels them. He still does. How could he ever forget? Since he was eight, he felt those hands of Dino and his so-called friends. But why’s his gang here? Why’re his friends here? Why are the people he cherished and loved and cared for here? His thoughts, faster and more rapid than ever, start to come. Were they working for Dino? Was everything just set up? Did they play me just for Dino to get back at me? The hands are more suffocating than ever.

His skin feels prickly. He’s dirty. The grime, the dirt, the filth. The anxiety, panic, chills, betrayal, fear. Disgusting, he’s blanketed in all of it. He’s covered. He can’t pull it off. It won’t come off. Why why why why why? The words are getting louder. Stop. I can’t do this anymore. Don't touch me! Please. Eiji, help. Please. Everything’s too much. There’s too much noise! But there’s no noise? Why’s Eiji not helping? Shorter? Is this revenge? Shorter? Is this to avenge your death? I'm sorry. He glances at Skipper. The eyes of this child, menacing, amused. A shock crawls up Ash’s spine. Skipper? 

There’s no help. He’s stuck. He’s trapped. No escape. I just wanted to keep you safe. Why? Eiji? Please don’t do this. He’s resorted to pleading. How disgraceful. One of the strongest gang leaders, groveling at the feet of his friends. His friends. His partners. The people he cared so much about. Why was he the one who was always targeted? What did he do in life? He just wanted to protect them. He just wanted to keep them safe. I just want you guys to be okay. I just wanted you guys to live... 

It’s too much. He’s at his end. He wants this to stop. I don’t want to do this anymore. There’s no more air and things are starting to get blurry. Is this over? Take me. I wanna leave. I don’t want to feel this anymore. Please, please, please. I’m sorry I was too late to save you, Skipper. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for you Shorter. I tried. I promise I did. Eiji, I just want you to be safe. Just let me know you’re safe. 

Small dots float in his vision. They're kinda like the ash that floats around after a fire. Ash, the aftermath and leftovers of a disastrous event. Ash... that's me. Ash, the residue of bad events, the remainder of negativity, the remnants of destruction. The destruction I've caused. Sorry, Eiji.

***  
I wake up to the whimper of distress. I shot up. “Ash? Are you ok?” As I turned my head towards the other bed where Ash slept. “Hey, Ash?”

I kick off the heavy debut that trapped all the warmth from the night in. I glanced towards the bright red digital clock on our bedside table, four twenty-six. Dang, it’s early. I stretched my arm and flicked on the bedside lamp. I gently walked to the ledge of Ash's bed and sat on it.

He was quivering so hard you could physically see it. His brow furrowed into discomfort with a sheen of sweat that layered his skin's surface. As I touched his skin, I touched ice. The poor boy was frozen solid, no wonder he was trembling so hard. While I covered Ash back underneath the covers I heard him muttering broken phrases of questions, apologies, and pleas for help. “Please… too... Much… Eiji, Please!” 

“Ash? You awake?” I tried to get through to him but he wasn’t awake. I kept hearing him whimper. Ash? What’s going on? You’re not the type to plead. Baby, what’s going through that crowded mind of yours? He keeps whimpering and at this point, his hand is clenched tightly against my shirt, still shaking like an abandoned kitten in an alleyway. The look on his face is terrifying. It’s scrunched up, distressed, and... scared? 

Ash is scared? The big bad boss leader of New York City, scared? Must be one hell of a nightmare. I placed my hand on his shoulder and tried to slowly rouse him awake. His brow somehow furrows deeper and his mouth clenches. With a jolt, the blonde boy awakens, his green eyes light up with the lamp. However, instead of his usual calmness, the jades are filled with fear. Faster than I could process, Ash is up, out of the bed with his pistol in hand, and aimed at me. His breath was rapid, with no real tempo or rhythm as he tried to take everything in around him. The hairs on his arms and neck standing straight up as he lets everything settle over him.

I try to walk him through his surroundings. “Hey Ash, it’s me Eiji. Everything’s fine and everyone's safe. You’re currently in our room and it's a little over half-past four.” As I continue to speak of the small details surrounding us, Ash’s face softens. He untensed and everything comes crashing. He’s on the floor, hunched over the blankets with his hands over his stomach and mouth, and his eyes bloodshot and wide open. He was white as the sheets, a deadly shade of pale. His pistol was long forgotten a few feet beside him. 

As I slowly came down to sit and talk with him, he shot up and ran, avoiding all contact with me or the furniture. I drastically attempted to follow him but his panic-filled sprint to the bathroom was faster than expected. The door slammed shut and I was blocked off onto the other side. 

I heard the dry heaving of the younger boy and my heart broke a little bit. I wanted to go in, I wanted to talk with him and comfort him. That look on his face, it was so full of fright. It was unnerving. What could have gotten such a composed guy to look like that? 

I knocked on the door hoping for a reply. No answer. That was expected. I stood up and went to get him a cup of warm water to help him settle when he came out.

After I returned and sat by the door, I waited in silence for over five minutes. By the time I was sure that I needed to coax Ash out I spoke, my voice was barely above a whisper, “Can I come in?” There was no response. “Ash, I’m getting a little worried, please respond with, at least, something.” Utter silence was blanketed over the flat. “Common, just one word or sound at least." You can hear the nonexistent crickets. "If not, I’m coming in.” These crickets are getting better and better at music.

I set the cup on the closest table I saw before I reached for the doorknob. Trying to not get my hopes up, I slowly tried the door. I breathed a sigh of relief to find the door was unlocked. When I went in, Ash was hunched over the toilet, half passed out, with all his walls down and more vulnerable than ever.

I rushed over beside him, my hand floated over his shoulder, “Would you be okay if I touched you?” His eyes floated over to mine and his head gave a small, microscopic nod. I sat down beside him, put my arm around his back and started to rub small circles and trace shapes and designs.

Not even three minutes passed by until my legs started to numb. “Ash, lets head back into the room okay?” I bet he wasn't comfortable with sitting on the tile, bathroom floor for so long. He let out a sound of agreement. “Do you need help getting up?” He shook his head. As I stood and peered back at him to follow, I could see him discreetly using the sink top to balance himself onto his shaky legs. With a sigh, I went over and wrapped his arms around me and piggy-backed him back onto the bed, along the way bringing the cup of water.

I sat Ash onto the bed and brought the cup towards him, “Here, drink some of this for me, and then maybe we can talk about it?”

After finishing a little over a third of the fluid green, weary eyes found mine, and a voice, raspy and dry despite the water, sounded out. “Skip, Cain, Max, Sing, everyone was there.” His voice was so quiet I almost didn’t realize he started speaking. “It was dark, I could barely see. I couldn’t hear anything either, there was only T.V. static... Or at least I think it was. Touch wasn’t there either. Felt like I was drugged again. Distant and floaty. Then the guys came into the room. Or my cage. Or whatever it was. It felt like a cage. They surrounded me like I was some zoo exhibit and kept laughing and smirking. They were so amused at my pain.”

I let myself slip into the covers beside Ash and while he retold his nightmare I held his hand. I brought him into my arms and he snuggled into my neck. His hands were tightly clenched around my shirt. Almost as if he thought I was gonna leave.

His voice cracked. “Then Dino came in… and you were there beside him. You were there, willingly.” I tightened my grasp on him. “You wouldn’t help me Eiji. You just watched me. A-and so did Shorter. He was there. He watched and didn’t do anything. Maybe it was because I killed him. It might be becau-”

I shushed him fast. “Ash, what happened that day wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kill him.” I moved one of my hands from his waist and brought it up to massage his head. “He was in misery, he wasn’t there. You freed Shorter, Ash. You let him go before he could've done anything he would have ever regretted. You did everything you can and that's all that is needed. You did so well and you worked so hard. He would've been proud of you Ash. He's your best friend, he'll always be proud of you.” The trembles started to begin again and before I knew it, I felt a wet spot beside my neck and the shaking of a boy who’s been through so much.

And even though there were tears, he kept talking. “You were so scary, Eiji. You looked so heartless and ruthless and nothing like you. Nothing like the sweet, cheerful, bubbly, naive, innocent, brave, Eiji I know.” His tears started falling faster and his voice had more breaks than I’ve ever heard. “I just wanted you back Eiji, I just wanted you to come back and be normal again.”

“And you’ve got me right here, baby. Right here with you right in my arms. I’m all safe and sound with you Ash. I’m not leaving anytime soon. What happened in your sleep was all just a nightmare. A figment of your imagination and nothing else. I’m safe with you right now, there’s nothing to be worried about.” I hoped these words got through to him. He’s been through so much; I don’t know if this is enough to fight the trauma. “Let’s just go to sleep. Or at least doze for a bit, hmm? You’re gonna be tired tomorrow morning. Cuddle down, I’ve got you tonight. Don't think about it anymore, I'm right here beside you.”

With a murmur of agreement, Ash retucked himself under my chin, his nose resting above my collarbone. I draped my arms around his back and pulled the blanket back onto us. I gave him a quick kiss atop his head and listed sweet nothings into the open to distract his thoughts.

"Hey, Eiji?” He broke my train of murmurs.

“Yeah?”

“Stay with me... I won't ask ‘forever’ just for now, Eiji."

“I’ve got you. Anytime you need me, I’ll be here. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I finished Banana Fish in one go the other day. Lowkey sobbed. No one i know has seen it or is gonna attempt to watch it soon so this came. *Spoiler warning* I won't believe you if you said Ash or Shorter's dead. If so, I think you're just jealous that they're alive and you're the dead one.


End file.
